please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
