I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
