We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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