my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
