i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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