is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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