someone threw a dead crab at me
the condom got lost in my hair
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
