I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
smell my finger.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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