Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
