Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
