1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
