I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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