I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
