I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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