I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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