Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
