the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
