the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
