you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
