I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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