Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
