Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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