Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am available for nakedness
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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