coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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