someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
