The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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