i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
