I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
