omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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