Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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