Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
