there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
