What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
