can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
