I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
