have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
