dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't put those talents on a resume
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
