dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
