We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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