That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
