sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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