Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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