I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
