what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
