The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
