remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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