I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
