Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
