Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
