yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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