You smell like stripper and shame
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wow bdsm is so cute
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
