Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
do herpes really smell.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
