just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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