Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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